(Almost) 27 weeks with Baby Boy G

Tomorrow makes 27 weeks with baby boy! I'm conflicted on whether or not it's 3rd trimester as some sources say it's 27 weeks and others say 28, but for sanity reasons I'm going to go ahead and believe that 27 weeks is TOTALLY 3rd trimester.

So there's my belly. It's finally popped and I've definitely gained plenty of weight. I've indulged a little too much and have made a goal to avoid ice cream for the next 13 weeks.

My mom has been making our little boy the CUTEST things - the most recent is this Utes sweater and hat that will be super appropriate as he'll be here right smack in the middle of football season :).

MISS ANYTHING: Having more clothes to wear, haha. I haven't wanted to spend a lot on maternity items because I'm pretty sure I'll need new clothes after the baby comes, too.

FOOD CRAVINGS: Not really. I'm kind of off Mexican as spicy food gives me heartburn now. Last night I was up til 2:00 trying not to refund my dinner, and it wasn't even spicy.

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: Nope. Not even a little.

WEIGHT GAIN: 25 lbs. WUT.

STRETCH MARKS: Not yet!

HAPPY OR MOODY: Pretty happy. I love feeling this little guy moving around throughout the day and getting to know his personality. 

SYMPTOMS: Heatburn, weightgain, insomnia, and that's about it. I've had a really easy pregnancy. Still a few Braxton Hicks here and there, but nothing like a few weeks ago.

 

  LOOKING FORWARD TO: The 30 week mark! It's all starting to feel real and I'm a little overwhelmed at how much is left to do. We've got a lot of shopping we're planning on doing coming up, and I think it will be so fun to have more baby items scattered throughout the house.

It's a....

BOY!

We are so thrilled to finally know what we are having and it has increased our level of excitement 100%.

On Tuesday we went in for our anatomy scan and our office does that in two parts - the ultrasound tech takes pictures and measurements, does not discuss them with you, but does tell you the gender. We were probably in there for about 30 minutes and our ultrasound tech kept referring to baby as "he" though she hadn't told us what he was. I finally asked, "So.... we're having a boy?!" She said "Oh! That's just what I call every baby. Let's take a look. Sure enough... it's *definitely* a boy! She came back to it a little while later and said, "Yeah, so there's his hands, grabbing it.. .they start early... it's definitely a little boy!"

We had made a bet on the way into the office on what it would be: I bet boy, I've thought boy since I saw the embryo and Jeff said girl. I'm proud to put that down on my tally sheet 'cause I've just had great luck betting things over the last couple weeks.

We went out to dinner to celebrate and then when we got home, my paranoia took over and I started googling "ultrasound abnormalities" and trying to figure out if there was anything that looked amiss. I didn't know it but in the other room, Jeff was doing the same thing! We sat down and Jeff said that according to his limited infant development training, he didn't see anything that would indicate a reason for concern - the heart was formed properly and had the correct number of chambers, the kidneys looked good, the bone structure (which is more his speed) all looked good. So we took a deep breath and then started discussing names. We've got a shortlist that includes 3 so far and I'm sure we'll add a couple before we make a final decision.

On Thursday, we went back for our recap and the doctor reviewed the measurements. He said we have a perfectly healthy baby who's measuring well and weight is good, and he didn't see anything that worried him or would necessitate a follow up or in-depth scan so we were THRILLED.

Ultrasound pictures of our little boy cover our fridge and it's so cute to see Jeff walk into the kitchen and flip through them. He's already so proud and he's not even here yet. He'll say things like, "Look at his perfect little feet!" Melt my heart. Watching my husband growing into a daddy is the most awesome thing and he's already shifted seriously into that role.

20 weeks pregnant with Baby G

So I guess we'll just update this blog every 5 weeks. Hah. Which means, only four more updates until we have Baby G!

Pictured above: me feeling like a good wife after getting dressed up for date night because I now have MATERNITY PANTS! This means I can wear regular outfits instead of the same four dresses and 2 pairs of gym shorts I've been wearing non-stop for the last 8 weeks.

Please note: most days I don't wear pants except for maybe an hour or so when Jeff gets home so he doesn't think I'm a total slob but I really just hate wearing clothes right now.

Feeling tons of movement, typically in the afternoon and evenings, sometimes late morning. Baby G seems to get real happy right after dinner and that's usually when Jeff is able to feel him (I'm calling it him because that's what I think it is).  We find out on Tuesday (!!!!!) whether it's a he or a she and I might actually write a special blog post juuuust for that.

In the meantime, I'm loving, loving, loving being pregnant this week. I'm always grateful to be pregnant but I've felt a lot better than I have in a while despite having a cold. For the past several weeks I've had some pretty rough SI joint pain that made it hard and super not fun to do things like sit, walk, bend over, etc. It was not awesome. However, this cold was a blessing in disguise on that front. Due to not being able to breathe, I slept in the recliner for two nights and I don't know what happened, but that position caused my SI joint to slide back into place. When getting up in the morning didn't take 3 minutes just to figure out which leg to lift first, I knew we were golden. THANK GOODNESS FOR COLDS.

MISS ANYTHING: No.

FOOD CRAVINGS:No, just hungry a lot. As per usual I will not refuse good Mexican. Or really any Mexican. I like my food spicy but I think I've always liked it spicy.

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: Nope. Not even a little.

WEIGHT GAIN: 12 lbs.

STRETCH MARKS: Nope.

HAPPY OR MOODY: Very happy! Feeling baby moving around is the greatest. I'm already sad/happy when I think about the day I'll get to hold our baby in my arms but not be able to feel it moving in my belly. I am terrified and also grateful that right now I have the ability to do everything I can to shield our baby from physical harm and it's going to be an adjustment to not have that built-in capability once it's here. I can't wait to stop calling it and "it", by the way.

SYMPTOMS: Not really any this week! I had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions after our family campout this week which I think was due to being pretty active and not staying hydrated well enough, but after a few days of rest and a lot of fluids they went away. I've had a strong feeling to be cautious physically since the very beginning of this pregnancy and I have for the most part been very good. Some women can stay active and run half marathons while pregnant, but I really do feel my body is pretty sensitive to that and even though I like to think I was in decent shape before conceiving, right now it's main priority is to grow this little baby of ours.

 LOOKING FORWARD TO: Gender ultrasound!!!

"Chosen and Trusted" to be a mother.

Something has been on my heart for a while and since pretty much no one reads this blog, and I don't post it to social media often in an attempt to be sensitive to those who are in the middle of their infertility struggle, I'm going to write it here.

Along the three years we dealt with infertility, throughout the countless doctors appointments, tears, and hard days at church (yes, going to church in an extremely family-centered environment is really taxing when you can't seem to put together a family of your own) I developed an intense dislike for phrases often shared by "blessed" young mothers who knew nothing of the struggle to bring a child into their home.

I can say that.

Hearing, repeatedly, out of the mouths of such fertile women that they were "so grateful that God chose them to be a mother" or "so grateful that they were trusted to care for children" is an unintentional knife to the heart of any woman who can't do so on a whim just because they want to.

It conjures feelings like this: "So you feel like just because you had sex once and got pregnant that God chose you over people like me?" "Do you really feel like God trusts you over me?" "Do you really think you are that much more righteous than me that you were "chosen" and "trusted"?" "Wait - maybe you are - is there a reason I haven't been "chosen" or "trusted"?"

Well, maybe the simple explanation is that they have been "chosen and trusted" to go through a different trial.

I have always had a silent (and now not-so-silent) resolve that phrases in any similitude to those will never be a part of my vocabulary.

Instead, I will express what I'm sure will be nearly identical heart-felt gratitude like this: "I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother."

"I'm so grateful to have the chance to care for this child."

"I'm grateful for what I've learned on my path to motherhood."

Because there is no one who is *not* chosen to be a mother. Whether children come to your home through foster care, adoption, a lot of help from science or even the old fashioned way, anyone can be a mother. There is a way.

To all my friends and loved ones right in the middle of this battle, you are chosen. You are trusted. You are chosen and trusted to go through this struggle because He knew you could do it. He knew you would make it to the other side, however that looks.

I am prepared to deal with this struggle each time we feel we are ready to add another child to our family. We know we will be lucky to have two children. We know we are incredibly blessed and grateful to have the opportunity with the one that is currently growing in my belly.

That's pretty much all I wanted to say. I felt a little guilty writing this because it felt wrong to express out loud, although goodness knows my mom took enough tearful phone calls where I said the same thing in a much more colorful way. But sometimes, even the hard stuff needs to be said.

15 Weeks Pregnant

 

15 weeks and moving right along! I'm counting down these next 5 weeks until we can find out what it is. I wake up with a relatively flat stomach in the AM but it fills out a little as the days go on. I think I can feel little movements, which translate into more twingy, odd crampy sensations but I could be totally fooling myself so I'm trying not to read too much into anything until I can say for certain that I *know* they are baby movements.

MISS ANYTHING: Nope.

FOOD CRAVINGS: No more cravings, I'm off the Mexican bandwagon. I'm hungry - like punch a man hungry- every 3 hours so I try to eat several smaller meals through the day.

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: Nope. Not even a little.

WEIGHT GAIN: 7 lbs. I've gotta slow this down.

STRETCH MARKS: Nope.

HAPPY OR MOODY: Happy to be in the 2nd trimester! I feel more at ease than I did through the first trimester but am looking forward to more milestones - definitive kicks, gender ultrasound (we both think it's a boy), and 24 weeks for a first viability checkpoint.

SYMPTOMS: 

•   Gaining weight
• Peeing all. the. time.
• Pregnant boobs, which are awesome.

 LOOKING FORWARD TO: Kicks! And gender ultrasound. If we're being honest it will probably be at least another 5 weeks til I post again.

8 weeks pregnant

pic on the right: 5 day old embryo- pic on the left: 8 week baby!

#worthit. This week's appointment was AWESOME. I don't know how well you can see but the sac is rounding out and all the mass is is a fibroid tumor! Which are NOT uncommon. Baby is measuring right at 8 weeks 1 day, heartbeat was beautiful at 156 bpm, and doctor said it's looking great. We were discharged from his care and though we are so happy to be at this point, it was a sad thing to say goodbye to him and his sweet MA since they've been such a big part of our lives for the past three months and have helped us make our biggest dream come true. From panicked phone calls full of obsessive questions to handling my drugged out self for retrieval and transfer, they've been so patient and we always felt 100% confident in his judgement. How do you say "thank you" for that?

Maybe repeat business. He promised he would be around in a couple years when we're ready to go at it again.

Maybe that picture up there is cheesy. Maybe not. To me it represents a lot of effort and dedication to bring a little baby to our family.

MISS ANYTHING: Nope.

FOOD CRAVINGS: Up until yesterday it was tacos and spicy food. Then I went to TacoTime and had Nachos that made me queasy for the rest of the day. Now when I think about tacos I feel a little puke in the back of my throat.

ANYTHING MAKE YOU QUEASY: Nachos, I guess. The smell of meat cooking. Waiting too long between snacks.

WEIGHT GAIN: Still haven't been able to get on the scale.

STRETCH MARKS:Nope.

HAPPY OR MOODY: Happy. This week's appointment was just what I needed.

SYMPTOMS: 

•  Sore boobs
• bloating
• twinges
• a little queasy sometimes
• hungry

 LOOKING FORWARD TO: Bloat going away and getting a legit bump. I've been using the hairtie trick for weeks now and if I can help it, I don't wear pants. #notsorry

7 weeks pregnant

I went in for an ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days yesterday.

Long story short - baby looks good, heartbeat looks good, but my uterus is growing funny and is squishing the gestational sac, right where the baby is growing.

It looks like this:

 

Baby is down there, that whitish thing at the bottom.

We have a small thing to worry about, and that is the kind of pinching which is making the sac elongated, as pictured. What you maybe can't see is how thick the uterine wall is one the left side of that picture. The doctor says he's not sure what it is, it may be a vascular overgrowth that will work itself out, especially since we didn't see it last week and he never saw it before. So, he said we have a "greater than 60% chance of keeping, but less than 90%".

These are good odds. However, I was devastated. What most normal,healthy pregnancies hear at an appointment at this time is "Everything looks great! You have a 5% chance or less of losing."

He advised cancelling some upcoming work trips because the added stress would not be helpful and "if you miscarry, it won't be fun to do that in a hotel room." Truth.

It felt so unfair to hear that and if we're being completely honest, I spent most of the day an inconsolable wreck, shoving icecream down my throat (not ashamed). We have given *everything* to this shot at being parents - and several other tries over the last 3 years. I'm spent. 

I knew I needed to ask for a blessing the minute we left the doctor's office, but I was too angry and upset to be in a place to be receptive to whatever might be said so I waited until that evening when I was. I'm so grateful to have a priesthood holder in my house. I know that no matter what happens, we will be okay. 

We go back next week for another ultrasound to see how things are progressing and hopefully see some shrinkage in the growth on that left side.

Prayers are always appreciated. Will update when we know more.

BUT: for today, I'm pregnant and there's a little baby with a heartbeat in there. That's pretty cool.