Cali, Jeff and IVF: February 2017

Part 2: Labor and Birth.

I mean it when I say this post is about a 12 on a 1-10 scale of TMI, so probably only read on if you've had a baby, or are going to have a baby and want to know what to truly expect during labor, delivery, and your first week postpartum.

LABOR:

Going into labor: They always say, "OH. You will KNOW when you're in labor."
Not necessarily true.
I went into labor about 7:30 PM the night before I had Cade and didn't know/believe it. The contractions were painful, but not painful to the point that I felt like dying and couldn't talk through them. Even when they were 5 minutes apart, I wasn't in the drop-to-the-ground pain that people talk about or show you in the movies. If you're in doubt, call your mom, or call a friend. Don't call labor and delivery who will tell you, "Hon, is this your first? Call back when you can't talk through them."

Your water breaking: Again, to those who say, "OH. You will KNOW when your water breaks."
NO.
My water broke 3.5 days before Cade was born. I figured that occasional trickle of pink fluid was just another pregnancy oddity. So, if you feel like things coming out of you shouldn't be coming out of you, go get checked anyways. That amniotic sack is the only barrier between your baby and the germy outside world, so being too long inside a ruptured sack can be dangerous for both of you.

Triggering Labor: I'm now a believer in old wives tails. My water was broken with some *ahem* spousal assistance. If doing the nasty feels like painful punches to the cervix, probably stop unless you're ready to go into labor. Jus' sayin'.

Getting to the hospital: If you're not dropping to the ground and moaning with every contraction, they probably won't take you seriously. So maybe lay on the ritz a little with that part.

Pitocin: I'm a fan. That stuff kicks your contractions up like you wouldn't believe, so just know that ahead of time.

Epidural: Probably the 2nd worst part. Holding perfectly still during contractions isn't fun for anyone, you or the support person holding your hands. Feeling a needle digging around in your spinal column also doesn't feel great. And also, it doesn't always take immediate effect. It might get one side nice and numb, but you might have to roll around for a decent while before it gets the other side.
   THE BUTTON: There's a button that you can push that kicks up the meds. Wait til it's real. If you don't know when it's "real", ask the nurse.
                 OF NOTE: There is fentanyl in the epidural, which is an opioid. This means it will mess with your head. The only thing that has made me question whether I could have done it without the epidural is that the entire hour after Cade's birth is extremely fuzzy in my mind and there are parts that I don't remember - including doing skin to skin with him. That part is very sad for me. So just know that going in. Next time, because of this, I will probably try to go natural.
   ALSO OF NOTE: You get a catheter when you get an epidural. It's possible that the catheter will mess with you a little and you will pee yourself sometimes. Being honest, here. I've found that this has gotten better with time but I still have some residual pain from the catheter.

DELIVERY
On being "complete". "Complete" means that you are 100% effaced, and 10 cm dilated. Baby is READY to come out. There's a fair chance that even with an epidural you will know exactly when that is. I went from 8 cm to complete in 15 or so minutes but still waited another half hour to ask to be checked. Don't do that. When you know you're ready, tell them. ALSO: It does NOT feel like you "have to poop". It feels like you're ready to push a baby out.

On "the shakes". Apparently this is a thing. Whether it be from pain, from the medicine, or as my nurse explained, "your body isn't sure if you are pregnant or not", get ready for full-body shakes from head to toe. Don't try and stop it, just let it happen, and know that it's normal.

On Pushing: You will do a series of "practice pushes" before they call your doctor. They will gauge your pushing effectiveness but these are no different than "real pushes". They still move your baby and you push the same way. Some women find it very hard to do when they are numb, I felt like it was just doing a massive crunch and it was very intuitive. They may ask you not to push through contractions which will be super not fun if your baby is literally just waiting to be born. Take a deep breath and think about ANYTHING other than pushing. Sometimes pushing will last for hours, other times it will last for minutes. Many women feel this is the most empowering part of the whole birth process.

On an Episiotomy: I felt like my doctor did this because he wanted to hurry the delivery along (this is probably the drawback of a clinic that has doctors on call for delivery but still maintain a full day of clinic hours). The healing from that wasn't fun, and I had stitches from nearly one exit point to the next. It's still pretty tender. If they bring it up, follow your intuition. You may tear anyways, but you may not. Either way, it should be your choice.

It's completely true what people say. Once you're ready to push, you do not care who is in the room, you do not care who sees your nether regions, you just want to get that baby out.

POSTPARTUM RECOVERY
Oh guys. That week or two after is going to be the hardest of your life. Your body is expending all kinds of energy trying to heal wounds inside and out, your milk is coming in, you haven't slept since the 2nd trimester and then there is the very, very real hormone crash.

If you had a vaginal delivery, here are a few things you NEED to have.

PERIBOTTLE: It's a little waterbottle that you use in lieu of toilet paper. This thing is number one.
DERMOPLAST: It's numbing, and cooling, and 2nd ONLY to the peribottle and easing the discomfort.
PAINMEDS: These are up to you. I opted out of percocet because pain meds really mess with my ability to think clearly, remember things, and function like an adult and went with ibuprofen instead. It's really nice to have something that you can take to ease the edge off, because that edge is sharper than any gourmet kitchen knife I will tell you that right now.

SITTING: It sounds counterintuitive, but don't sit on overly soft surfaces if you can help it. The surface will spread, which will cause your stitches to spread and holy balls, you guys. That's just awful.

Just a little PSA: Don't look down there for a while, 'k? It's not good for you.

HORMONE CRASH: You hear of the baby blues, but that's pretty nondescript. I'm sure it looks different for everyone, but a week after Cade was born and I was starting to turn the corner physically, mentally it got crazy hard. Every night for a while there would be this cloud of despair and anxiety that would settle over me and I'd cry for hours because I was sure life would never feel okay again. Eventually it did, about when we started to get stretches of sleep longer than an hour at a time, but sometimes these feelings don't lift. If you find that you feel you're just kind of drowning in these feelings or numb to life, go get help. There's no reason to feel miserable.

NURSING BOOBS: When you're a breastfeeding newbie you will smell like old milk, pretty much all the time, for a couple weeks. Get okay with that. When your milk is coming in and trying to determine exactly how much your baby needs, it's a messy business and your new baby is trying to figure out how to nurse too. A tip: put lanolin on immediately BEFORE nursing and it will help a ton with the pain. The trade off to all of this is that your boobs look pretty amazing right now.

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Saturday, February 4, 2017

Labor and birth: The Whole Truth and NOTHING but the Truth

Cade is 3 months Old