"Chosen and Trusted" to be a mother.

Something has been on my heart for a while and since pretty much no one reads this blog, and I don't post it to social media often in an attempt to be sensitive to those who are in the middle of their infertility struggle, I'm going to write it here.

Along the three years we dealt with infertility, throughout the countless doctors appointments, tears, and hard days at church (yes, going to church in an extremely family-centered environment is really taxing when you can't seem to put together a family of your own) I developed an intense dislike for phrases often shared by "blessed" young mothers who knew nothing of the struggle to bring a child into their home.

I can say that.

Hearing, repeatedly, out of the mouths of such fertile women that they were "so grateful that God chose them to be a mother" or "so grateful that they were trusted to care for children" is an unintentional knife to the heart of any woman who can't do so on a whim just because they want to.

It conjures feelings like this: "So you feel like just because you had sex once and got pregnant that God chose you over people like me?" "Do you really feel like God trusts you over me?" "Do you really think you are that much more righteous than me that you were "chosen" and "trusted"?" "Wait - maybe you are - is there a reason I haven't been "chosen" or "trusted"?"

Well, maybe the simple explanation is that they have been "chosen and trusted" to go through a different trial.

I have always had a silent (and now not-so-silent) resolve that phrases in any similitude to those will never be a part of my vocabulary.

Instead, I will express what I'm sure will be nearly identical heart-felt gratitude like this: "I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother."

"I'm so grateful to have the chance to care for this child."

"I'm grateful for what I've learned on my path to motherhood."

Because there is no one who is *not* chosen to be a mother. Whether children come to your home through foster care, adoption, a lot of help from science or even the old fashioned way, anyone can be a mother. There is a way.

To all my friends and loved ones right in the middle of this battle, you are chosen. You are trusted. You are chosen and trusted to go through this struggle because He knew you could do it. He knew you would make it to the other side, however that looks.

I am prepared to deal with this struggle each time we feel we are ready to add another child to our family. We know we will be lucky to have two children. We know we are incredibly blessed and grateful to have the opportunity with the one that is currently growing in my belly.

That's pretty much all I wanted to say. I felt a little guilty writing this because it felt wrong to express out loud, although goodness knows my mom took enough tearful phone calls where I said the same thing in a much more colorful way. But sometimes, even the hard stuff needs to be said.