And then at the CD1 appointment on Christmas Eve I found out that not only was my doctor's clinical coordinator out of town til January, but so is the doctor, with no gameplan left behind for the people who would be providing our care.
That's a problem, because I absolutely wouldn't have started if we had known he was going to be out of town, and also because thousands of dollars are riding on this which I refuse to let go to waste on a cycle where we're getting shuffled around between doctors. Especially considering that the last time that happened at a different clinic, three weeks in to shooting up with hormones and committed to the tune of $4,000 for an IUI that we'd never get to do I found myself sitting across the desk from a doctor who didn't know my name casually flipping through my chart and asking, "Why don't you think this is working?" and "what do you think we should do?"
Is this even real life? If I knew how to get myself knocked up we wouldn't be here chatting, bro.
Long story short, that treatment ended in a miserable did-not-finish failure that left our bank account and morale on empty.
However - it was a blessing in disguise, because the doctor who did review my chart sat down and explained that it would be in our best interest not to move forward until we did a saline sonogram and determine if the fibroid that caused complications with Cade's pregnancy needed to be removed, and see if others were present. Fibroids are benign growths inside the uterus that can cause failure to implant, miscarriage, preterm labor (which I had) and preterm delivery (my water broke with Cade at 36 weeks). We would love to not have a repeat of the miscarriage scare we had at 7 weeks too, so I'm incredibly grateful that this new doctor did sit us down and explain patiently why this is so important, and laid out our several options to proceed.
We'd rather do this right and give our embryos the very best chance, so this is what we're going to do. The saline sonogram is scheduled for next week and I'm mentally preparing to hear that surgery needs to happen and allow for a month or two to heal before moving forward.
I really had thought that having had Cade the feelings I experienced throughout the years leading up to getting him wouldn't resurface, but I've been pretty surprised with how frustrated I've been this week. I keep reminding myself that there's so many worse trials and I honestly wouldn't want to experience any of the ones I've seen other people go through. I just wish the feelings of frustration, anger at others getting to have kids without being repeatedly violated by other people, and freaked out at the fact that I have absolutely zero control over this or how many kids we'll get to have weren't real.
You all should probably say a prayer for Jeff because without fail, every time these treatments start and with them loads of synthetic hormones, my everyday garden-variety crazy grows exponentially into a kind of crazy you can't even imagine. And he has to live with that - so, yeah - he's a saint.
ANYWAYS. Here's to hopefully trying again in February or March.
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