The Blessing of Infertility

This is not a post I'm going to share on social media, it's more so that I can remember the blessings of this 3 year trial we've been dealing with in the future.

A year and a half ago, I was bitter. So, so bitter. Why on earth would such a righteous desire be withheld from me? Why would I be sent to earth without a functioning body? What would my place be if it wasn't to be a mother? Why couldn't I give my husband children? Why, why, why.

It was a very, very tearful first 1.5 years.

And then we started treatment.

And there were more. Tears from hormones, tears for having to send husband to go give samples, tears for wondering why what is supposed to be a beautiful and intimate and private event was suddenly invaded by doctors and nurses and strangers asking questions they *had* to ask that nobody wants to answer.

And then there were tears for cancelled (expensive) treatment cycle after cancelled treatment cycles.

But something happened last year. Last summer, when we cancelled our last IUI attempt and were told IVF was the way for us to go, there were no more tears.

Just resolve.

We had an opportunity to unite, as a couple, in a way most (I wish it were fewer, I know so many beautiful, strong couples facing this same struggle) couples don't. While yes- Jeff learned way, way, way more about his wife's insides than he probably EVER wanted to, he got to learn the ins and outs of what actually makes a baby. It caused us to re-evaluate certain aspects of our lives and see what we could do to become healthier. We had to mutually decide that yes, this was worth investing several thousand dollars in and work hard to sacrifice and save so we could try this. We got to go to doctors appts together. We got to pray together, dream together, and encourage each other. It gave us extra opportunities to respect and love each other for the lengths we were willing to go to do our very best to have a family. That's pretty special.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel we've turned a corner. If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything. And I'm glad I got to learn that.